Telling the family

I was always one of those kids who didn't want to disappoint anyone. I kept out of trouble, got good grades and pretty much accomplished everything I set out to do. Now I was faced with a doozy of a choice, what to tell who and when.

Early last fall my sister had a blood clot which left her hospitalized for several days. My elderly parents and her husband spent many hours at her bedside, concerned for her health. As she recovered my father told us that the squamous cell carcinoma which he'd had removed from his face numerous times over the years had metastisized into his lymph system. He faced months of radiation after having a radical neck dissection to eliminate some 54 nodes. This really seemed to me to be the limit of what my parents could handle. And now this.

So I made the emotional decision to protect them from what was happening. I would tell them after the holidays so they could enjoy that time without adding anything extra to their already full plate. The plan was for my father to start radiation in January. By then I would know just what the plan was for my treatment and I would tell my parents then. Of course my siblings and my children knew. That seemed enough to deal with at the time.

Then one day while my brother, sister and myself were working on house renovations my siblings started in, telling me I really had to let my parents know sooner than later. I so dreaded that phone call. All of the questions and concerns. I told them I'd take their advice under advisement and we all seemed to be at peace with that idea. Until the phone call from my sister Mary later that evening.

I picked up the phone, wondering why she was calling when she'd only left my house hours before. Had I thought about it I would have known immediately. "Hey, how are you doing?" "Ok.." "Well I just got off the phone with mom and dad..." "And you told them, right?" "Pretty much, yes. They're fine. Just give them a call." And I did.

My parents handled the news much better than I had expected. No drama, no questions. Perhaps they had saved that for Mary's phone call. But at least now everyone knew and we could move on. 2010 was going to be a big year in our family. A time when we would all start to heal.