A Decision Has Been Made

I'm not sure why the big decisions in life are left to those who can not think straight at the time. After having two serious reactions to one of the chemo agents on Monday my oncologist presented me with treatment options, none of which I could fully wrap my arms around. The numbers, the percentages, the what-ifs and why-nots, all too much to think about at the time.

Now as the days have gone by and I've had time to reflect I realize that I am truly lucky. I am not fighting for my life but rather for the decreased risk of having another cancer sometime in the future. And I do believe my body is trying to tell me something ... something along the lines of ......

STOP!!

So when I see the oncologist on next Monday I am going to bail. She had previously assured me that the increased risk of cancer was all but nil if I stopped the chemo after these two treatments and by gum I'm going to believe her. I'll take a few weeks off, start radiation and move on. No surgery for a port a cath, no nuclear cardiac function tests, nothing but rest and taking care of me. My most important patient. I think I might have been afraid that not going forward would indicate a lack of strength and conviction. Now I know it just makes sense.